*Orginally published November 4, 2010*
Rule number 1: Let people get off the train before you push your way on. Collisions are fun in sports, the movies and even on the bumper cars. Other than that, they hurt.
Rule number 2: Don’t let your child take up three seats. Yes, little Cindy is adorable hopping from seat to seat singing. Absolutely precious. That’s why I’m sorry that I’m going to have to sit on her.
Rule number 3: Move to the center of the car instead of cramming together on top of the door. I know it’s a crazy idea, but you might not be sexually harassed from all sides if you were willing to take a few steps into the middle of the car. As cool as it might be to feel like clowns crammed into a tiny car, suffocation is not a fun way to die.
Rule number 4: If someone can break dance on the subway, give them a damn dollar. I understand that times are tough, and the man yodeling in the corner while you’re trying to read the paper may not elicit your sympathy. But when a group of men get on a moving object and start spinning like dreidels, doing flips and dancing with robotic grace, all for the small price of a dollar, then its time to loosen the purse strings.
Rule number 5: Don’t wrap your arms around the pole and embrace it. While I’m sure it makes you feel safer, it’s not fair to the man who falls on the floor because he has nothing to hold onto, or the woman who unwillingly has her hand in your cleavage. Hug your friends, not a germ infested pole.
Rule number 6: Resist the urge to sing along with your ipod. Your voice may just be ruining Lady Gaga for the rest of us. When the sleeping homeless man is plugging his ears, that should be your cue to stop.
Rule number 7: Ladies…knees together. Need I say more?
Rule number 8: After someone has just swiped their card, don’t exit through the turnstile before they can get in. That’s the same as stealing money right off someone’s card. If you want to be a thief you should at least be wearing a black ski mask.
Rule number 9: If you’re feeling nauseous, do not get on the train!! Jumping in puddles is a joyous, poetic activity. Stepping in your puke will never be.
Rule number 10: Don’t try to squeeze through the doors as they’re closing. I enjoy the occasional horror movie, but watching your body get chopped in half is not an ideal way to start the day.
Tags: break dancing, crowds, featured, focus, manners, performers, Subway, today